Father Figures

This last week has been tough although I know God has been teaching me things. I believe the events over the past week have been part of God's ongoing process of Him making me into the person that he wants me to become. On September 6th, Jim Jobe sent me an email on facebook and this is what he said: "I think I miss seeing you and just getting a hug from time to time. -Jim". We corresponded over the next few days and he said that he was planning on coming to Fort Lewis in Washington in October and he said that he would make plans to come and see us.

A few days later, on September 11th, I was getting off my lunch break and I heard my phone vibrating on my desk and I glanced over to it and Jim's name come up. I was unable to answer because I was working with a patient so I let it go to voicemail. I just figured that it was him calling to tell me his plans for October or maybe he was just calling to see how I was doing. I didn't think that much about it. The next morning, I got an email on facebook from a guy named Chris who introduced himself as the Youth Pastor of the church that the Jobes go to. He was the one that broke the news to me about Jim's passing. In total shock, I remembered that I got a call from Jim's number the day before so I frantically checked my voicemail. It was Lucinda telling me that Jim had gone to get a cardiac stress test and that his heart had gone into an arrhythmia. They were unable to control it and he died.

The news didn't really hit me until I was driving home when I started crying uncontrollably. I could not believe that Jim had gone and that I would never be able to see him again (here on earth that is). I had lost my father to suicide when I was 8. In the 90s, I lost my youth pastor who was killed in a plane crash, and now, the only person who I would look up to as a father figure was taken away. I felt alone. Now there were three father figures in my life that were taken away from me. He was literally the only male about whom I could confidently say that he would never have turned his back on me. He knew so much about me and I confided in him about so many things. He was there when I confronted my molestor; he somehow knew when to call me when I needed to talk to someone; and 5 days before he died, he sent me just a short little note that would help me come to terms with his death. Although, he didn't say much, the content and the fact that he was thinking about me (and I knew he was praying about me) made a huge difference.

What is God trying to teach me through all of this??

I know Jim was someone who many people looked up to and depended on for advice. He would tell you when he disagreed with you but he was always there for when you needed him most. I could have literally done anything but he would have always been there with open arms. He would say "I love you" all the time and I knew he meant it. I never knew how important it was for a boy to have a father figure until he died. I want to be more like Jim. I know he wasn't perfect but I believe God put him in my life for a reason. I want to be able to love people and be there for people like Jim was. God has created so many circumstances in my life and I know His presence. It is so easy to get entrapped by life’s routines and to not look at your surroundings and look for people that might need help. I can so easily get consumed by what I have to do and just ignore or completely fail to see what other people may be going through. If he had done that to me, I really believe my life would be different today. Jim had the ability to find people that needed help and support. How can I make the same difference in someone else’s life than Jim had in mine? God help me.